Why I (Literally) Sat on My Hands at the Kitchen Table
Happy Thursday! You made it!
There was a stretch of time where I had to literally sit on my hands at the kitchen table to keep myself from grabbing the pencil, laptop, or art project from my kids and just doing it for them.
Because watching your child struggle is uncomfortable. Especially when the answer feels so obvious to you. When the spelling word is off by one letter. When the math problem is just so close. When the drawing would “look better” with just one tiny adjustment…
But here’s the thing: If our goal is to raise problem solvers — kids who don’t panic in the face of struggle — we have to let them struggle. Because that’s where real growth happens.
And that means not rescuing them the second it gets hard.
When we jump in too quickly, we send the message that:
Their discomfort is dangerous.
They’re not capable of figuring it out.
We always have the “right” way.
But that’s not the story we want them to tell themselves. Instead, here are three ways to support your child without taking over:
Encourage them. Try:
“I think your way is really smart — keep going!”
“You’ve got this. I believe in you.”
Introduce the word “yet.” Remind them:
“You don’t know how to do that yet, but you’re getting there.”
“Keep at it — it’s a work in progress.
Growth mindset isn’t just a buzzword — it’s a way of helping kids believe in their ability to grow.
Model your own “not knowing.” Our kids assume everything is easy for us. So let them see you mess up and try again:
“Oops, wrong driveway. I’ll get it right next time.”
“I just spelled the word wrong. Thank goodness for erasers!”
“I forgot how to do this — let me figure it out.”
Or go down memory lane and share something you used to struggle with — tying shoes, doing long division, applying for your first job. Even better? Remind them of a time they didn’t know how to do something… until they did. Riding a bike. Holding a fork. Singing all the words to their favorite song. All of those took practice.
So the next time your child is uncomfortable while trying something new — take a breath (and maybe a seat). You don’t have to rescue them. Just support them.
They’re still learning.
And truthfully? So are we.
Real World Strategy:
The next time your child is struggling with homework or a new skill, try this: Instead of jumping in to “fix” it, physically sit on your hands if you need to.
This small action gives your brain a moment to pause — and your child a chance to think, try, and grow.
You can still support them with your words:
“Hmm, this part is tricky. I’m here while you figure it out.”
“I see how hard you’re working. Amazing job.”
“You don’t have it yet, and that’s okay.”
The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is progress with support, not rescue.
🌊Want to dive deeper? To learn more about Support Without Rescuing, check out Parenting in the Real World: Unpacking Emotions (Level 1, Course 3, Section 3).
📚Resource of the Week:
If you’re in the Atlanta area on October 11, don’t miss this sensory-friendly family concert that brings your kids’ favorite games to life! The Georgia Symphony Orchestra in Marietta will perform music from Super Mario Bros., Halo, Minecraft, World of Warcraft, Kingdom Hearts, Undertale, and Civilization IV.
The performance is specially designed for individuals with sensory sensitivities and their families. Audience members are free to move, dance, sing, or make noise at any time, and a quiet room will be available for breaks. Arrive early or stick around after the show for hands-on musical fun in the lobby.
People of all ages and abilities are welcome — so bring the whole family! Learn more here.
Not in Georgia? You can still find sensory-friendly activities around the U.S. by visiting the Kulture City website, exploring their map of Sensory Inclusive venues, and downloading their app.
💬 Join the Conversation:
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👋 Need More Support?
If you feel like there’s too much discomfort and not enough comfort, reach out here. Parenting doesn’t have to be this hard.
You’ve got this.
Cari
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