What If This REALLY Is the Best They Can Do Today?
Happy Thursday! You made it!
This week we’re diving into one of my favorite Guiding Principles: Kids do well when they can.
Here’s the thing: if your child isn’t doing well, something is getting in their way.
This idea can completely shift how we see our kids and ourselves. When things start to spiral, instead of jumping straight to frustration or punishment, we can pause, take a breath, and get curious.
Because here’s the truth: our kids are learning how to be people, and that is messy, slow, and sometimes loud work. They are exploring, experimenting, and figuring out what works (and what doesn’t). Some days they breeze through, and other days… everything falls apart.
That doesn’t mean they’re lazy, willful, or trying to push our buttons. It means something is getting in their way — a lagging skill, a bad mood, or an emotional speed bump they don’t yet know how to navigate.
When we reframe their behavior through this lens, we stop seeing it as defiance and start seeing it as communication. We can then figure out whether they need more support, clearer expectations, or a new tool to get unstuck.
One parent I worked with told me, “If I had used my old tools, this would have turned into a two-day meltdown. Instead, I got curious about what was in the way, and we worked through it in ten minutes.”
This is the power of getting curious instead of getting reactive. It opens the door for teaching, connecting, and building the skills our kids actually need for next time.
Real World Strategy:
The next time your child resists, melts down, or drags their feet, ask yourself:
What if this is the best they can do right now?
What skill, tool, or piece of information might they be missing?
This tiny shift — from judgment to curiosity — can save everyone hours of power struggles and help you teach the skills they actually need.
📚Resource of the Week:
Looking for some legitimately good kids' music that gently builds emotional intelligence and resilience (and that won’t make you want to pull your hair out)? Check out my best new musical find: Mama Nous. Don’t miss the singable mantras and affirmation alarm songs at the bottom of her shop page. (You can check out the music on Spotify, but as the mom of two creatives, I encourage you to support real human artists by purchasing their work if possible.)
🌊Want to dive deeper? To learn more about Reframing the Struggle, check out Parenting in the Real World: Creating Alignment (Level 1, Course 1, Section 1).
💬 Join the Conversation:
Find me where the slightly overwhelmed, curious parents gather: Bluesky / Instagram/ Tik-Tok
💌Newsletter Archive:
Missed a good one? Want to revisit past nuggets of wisdom? Find them all here.
👋 Need More Support?
If you feel like everyday is a battle and you’re stuck wondering why your child can’t “just do it,” reach out here. You don’t have to figure out what’s getting in their way alone.
You’ve got this.
Cari
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