Help Kids Handle BIG Feelings (Without Losing Your Mind)

Happy Thursday! You made it!

Let’s talk about BIG feelings — the ones that seem to come out of nowhere and flip the day upside down.

Lots of kids (and adults) think emotions just happen — like thunderstorms that blow in and out. And while feelings are like the weather (they come and go), unlike the weather, we can learn to have some level of control over them.

That’s what emotion regulation is all about. If your child struggles with meltdowns or outbursts that seem way out of proportion — you’re not alone. And there’s a reason for it.

Emotion regulation is the ability to manage, express, and respond to emotions in ways that fit the moment. Babies can’t do this at all (hence, the incessant crying). As kids grow, we expect them to improve — but not all do. And when they don’t, it leaves parents guessing about what to try.

The internet is full of advice, but if you don’t know why your child is struggling, it’s hard to know what will help. So let’s break it down.

The Core Skills of Emotion Regulation

1. Monitor
   Can your child recognize when they’re having a big feeling — before they melt down?
   Do they know what they’re feeling, or just that something feels “off”?
   If not, start here. Naming emotions is the first step.

2. Evaluate
   Can they tell the difference between a small problem and a big one?
   Do their reactions match the size of the challenge?
   If not, they may need help learning how to assess what’s really going on.

3. Modulate
   Can they adjust their emotional response based on where they are and who they’re with?
   If not, this is the skill we work on — learning to dial up or down emotional reactions in real time.

These skills are hard. They take practice. And most kids don’t master them on their own.

But here’s the good news: emotion regulation can be taught — and you don’t have to do it alone.

Real World Strategy: 

Before jumping into calm-down strategies, check if your child can actually recognize and name what they’re feeling. Regulation starts with awareness — otherwise, you’re trying to fix a problem they don’t even realize is happening.

🌊Want to dive deeper? To learn more about helping your child manage big feelings in real time, check out Parenting in the Real World: Regulate — Emotional Regulation (Level 2, Course 5, Sections 1-8).

📚Resource of the Week: 

Want to know my favorite resources for teaching this stuff to kids? Check out the Kids’ Books about Emotions & Emotion Regulation on my Bookshop.org page. I only recommend resources I use and love.

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👋 Need More Support? 

Even the most emotionally reactive kids can learn the skills they need. It doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t happen alone. But it does happen — with support, patience, and practice. If you feel overwhelmed, reach out here. Parenting doesn’t have to be this hard.

You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.

Cari

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