Whack-a-Mole No More: Solve It Once & For All
Happy Thursday! You made it!
While no parent loves facing the same big problem again and again, the silver lining is that recurring challenges give us opportunities to get ahead of them. Instead of waiting for the next meltdown or conflict to blow up, we can anticipate what’s coming and work with our kids to create a plan ahead of time.
That’s the heart of the Proactive Problem-Solving Sequence. It isn’t about following ten steps perfectly, or saying the “right” words in the “right” order. It’s about your intention: listening deeply, sharing your perspective calmly, and inviting your child to problem-solve with you.
At a high level, here’s how the process unfolds.:
Set the stage. First, you get clear on what you’re hoping to accomplish. Then, invite your child into the conversation as a partner. (The simple act of asking, “When would be a good time to talk?” already helps them feel ownership.)
Receive. Listen closely to their perspective. Repeat back what you hear so they know you understood, and validate their feelings — even if you don’t agree. This step alone can take the intensity down a notch.
Share. Offer a short and calm version of your own perspective. Resist the urge to lecture — this is about opening space, not filling it.
Collaborate. This is where the shift happens. Instead of telling your child what to do, ask, “What should we try?” Together, write down a few ideas, agree on next steps, and decide what will happen if things don’t go as planned.
The Sequence communicates five essential messages to your child:
I hear you.
What you’re feeling makes sense.
I have a different perspective, and that doesn’t make yours less true.
I believe you are a problem-solver.
I believe we can work on this together.
It’s not about “fixing” everything in one conversation. It’s about showing your child that their voice matters, that you believe in their capacity to solve problems, and that you’re in this with them. Over time, this builds trust, reduces power struggles, and creates a framework your family can return to whenever those big, sticky problems circle back around.
Real World Strategy: Don’t wait until you're in the middle of the chaos. Pick one recurring issue — like school mornings, sibling conflict, or bedtime battles — and set aside time to talk it through when things are calm. Invite your child’s ideas, make a simple plan together, and revisit it after a few days. Even if the first plan doesn’t “work,” you’ll have already shifted from fighting against each other to working on the problem side-by-side.
🌊Want to dive deeper? To learn more about getting to the heart of the issue, check out Parenting in the Real World: Solve the Real Problem (Level 2, Course 7, Section 2).
📚Resource of the Week:
Lives in the Balance is the brainchild of Dr. Ross Greene, author of my all-time favorite parenting book, The Explosive Child. It’s packed with tools and on-demand training for parents, grandparents, teachers, and other helpers. If you’re looking to get everyone on the same page quickly, this should be your second stop (after Parenting in the Real World, of course😁).
💬 Join the Conversation:
Find me where the slightly overwhelmed, curious parents gather: Bluesky / Instagram/ Tik-Tok
💌Newsletter Archive:
Missed a good one? Want to revisit past nuggets of wisdom? Find them all here.
👋 Need More Support?
If you feel like it’s meltdown after meltdown, reach out here. Parenting doesn’t have to be this hard.
You’ve got this.
Cari
p.s. Know another parent who could use short, sweet, and actually useful parenting tips? Forward this along! (And if someone sent this to you—nice work, you have thoughtful friends!) Click here to sign up and access the full archive.
