Why Your Kid Feels Like They Can’t Win (And How to Fix It)
Happy Thursday! You made it!
It is HARD to be a kid. From the second they wake up to the moment they’re asleep, someone is telling them what to do, how to do it, and –better yet–what they just did wrong. It’s a constant flood of rules, corrections, and unsolicited (even if necessary) advice. No wonder they sometimes feel like they can’t do anything quite right.
Parenting experts say we should aim for a 5:1 or even 7:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions with our kids. Which is a lovely thought. But let’s be honest–when I’m just trying to keep everyone alive and semi-functional, I do not have the bandwidth to track my positivity stats like I’m coaching a Little League team.
Instead, I keep it simple: At least once a day, I make a point to find a way to show my kids my love is not up for debate. When they do something awesome, I celebrate it with them. When they mess up, I remind them that they are still 100% worth loving–no conditions, no disclaimers. My love isn’t tied to their grades, friend group, behaviors, or whether they finally remembered to put their dishes in the sink. They are loved because they exist. Period.
And sometimes, I make it weird. Like the other morning, when I told my 18-year-old, “You are so precious! Do your teachers have any clue how lucky they are to be teaching the most precious child on earth?! Should I send them a quick email?!?!” They rolled their eyes and laughed (at me) as they left for school. Mission accomplished.
Real World Strategy:
Tell them. Even if you think they know. Even if you told them yesterday. Tell them that you love them no matter what.
Resource of the Week:
One of my all-time favorite books about unconditional love? I Love You Through and Through by Bernadette Rosetti-Shustak. It’s an absolute gem– perfect for new parents (or a subtle hint for the ones who could use a reminder).
Join the Conversation:
Let’s talk about this stuff where the interesting, slightly overwhelmed parents hang out: Bluesky / Instagram/ Tik-Tok
Newsletter Archive:
Missed a good one? Want to revisit past nuggets of wisdom? Find them all here.
Need More Support?
If you feel like you’re too busy correcting behavior to make room for anything else, reach out here. Parenting doesn’t have to be this hard.
You’ve got this.
Cari
p.s. Know another parent who could use short, sweet, and actually useful parenting tips? Forward this along! (And if someone sent this to you—nice work, you have thoughtful friends!) Click here to sign up and access the full archive.
