Repair: Your REAL Relationship Superpower Newsletter
Happy Thursday! You made it!
When you were a kid, what happened after two family members got in a fight?
A lot of yelling and door slamming, then later acting like nothing happened
The silent treatment until an eventual thaw
A forced, disingenuous apology that resolved absolutely nothing
Let me guess what happened next: a day or week later, some version of that exact same unpleasant interaction happened again–but now with the bonus emotional baggage!
Fast forward 20 years–when you lose your cool, your child pushes your buttons, or your kids say incredibly hurtful things to each other, you don’t know how to approach or teach anything other than:
Option D) All of the above. It’s hard to teach what we never learned.
Here’s the good news: Relationship repairs are possible–even with young kids. Ruptures will happen (they’re part of life), but the process of repairing them can actually make the relationship stronger. It builds trust. It shows your kids that love isn’t about perfection–it’s about coming back together, again and again.
Some things to consider as you incorporate repair into your family life:
Sincere apologies are magical, but they don’t happen by magic. Learning to apologize sincerely is a skill that must be taught, molded, and practiced over time (even years!).
A powerful apology has three parts:
Acknowledge what you did
Take responsibility for your part
Show you understand the impact (including on the other person)
This might sound like: “I’m sorry for yelling at you when you left your bag in the car. I’m sure it didn’t feel good to get yelled at right after school, and I apologize for losing my cool.”
The best way to teach how to apologize sincerely? Model it. Let them see you mess up, own it, and make it right.
Bonus tip: A small act of service can go a long way. Try tacking on the question, “How can I fix it with you?” to the end of your apology. That little gesture can be incredibly healing.
When we stop shying away from conflict and start normalizing the repair process, we teach our kids that those messy moments don’t have to define the relationship–they’re just part of being human. Yes, it takes effort, but with practice, this becomes second nature–and breaks some cycles you might not even know you’re repeating.
Resource of the Week:
Check out this article by therapist extraordinaire Ester Perel on re-learning to say “I’m Sorry.”
Join the Conversation:
Let’s talk about this stuff where the interesting, slightly overwhelmed parents hang out: Bluesky / Instagram/ Tik-Tok
Newsletter Archive:
Missed a good one? Want to revisit past nuggets of wisdom? Find them all here.
Need More Support?
If you feel like you’re too busy correcting behavior to make room for anything else, reach out here. Parenting doesn’t have to be this hard.
You’ve got this.
Cari
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