Storytelling, Confirmation Bias, and Talking Heads
Happy Thursday! You made it!
Have you ever asked two kids what happened during an argument, only to feel like they were describing two completely different universes? One swears their sibling started it. The other swears they’re the victim. You almost wonder if they were at the same incident at all.
Here’s the truth: there is no single, objective version of events. Our brains are constantly filtering and interpreting, turning life into a story that makes sense to us.
And here’s the kicker: We’ll always find evidence to confirm the story we already believe.
That’s why the story you tell yourself about your child matters so much.
If your child gravitates toward younger kids, you could tell yourself:
They’re immature.
They like being the boss.
Or… you could tell yourself:
They enjoy simpler games and simpler language.
They feel more comfortable with kids who are gentler and kinder.
Same kid. Same parent. Different story. Totally different feeling in your body as a parent.
And that changes everything.
It’s easy to fall into unflattering stories – “My child is lazy, manipulative, careless, dramatic.” And once those stories take root, confirmation bias takes over. Suddenly, everything they do seems to support the negative version.
But there’s always more than one story to tell. And you get to choose the one you tell yourself on repeat.
Real World Strategy:
The next time your child, partner, or co-parent does something that pushes your buttons, pause and ask:
What story am I telling myself right now?
What else could be true?
If I shifted the lens, what would I see differently?
Remember: You can’t control every behavior, but you can control the way you interpret it.
🌊Want to dive deeper? To learn more about rewriting the stories we tell yourselves and shifting the lens we use to see our kids, check out Parenting in the Real World: Rewrite Your Stories (Level 1, Course 1, Section 2).
📚Resource of the Week:
If the name David Byrne rings a bell, it might be from his band Talking Heads and their 80’s classic “Once in a Lifetime.” The song is packed with those existential questions that creep into parenting (“How did I get here?”), and it’s been echoing in my head for decades.
💬 Join the Conversation:
Find me where the slightly overwhelmed, curious parents gather: Bluesky / Instagram/ Tik-Tok
💌Newsletter Archive:
Missed a good one? Want to revisit past nuggets of wisdom? Find them all here.
👋 Need More Support?
If you feel like you’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work, reach out here. Parenting doesn’t have to be this hard.
You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.
Cari
p.s. Know another parent who could use short, sweet, and actually useful parenting tips? Forward this along! (And if someone sent this to you—nice work, you have thoughtful friends!) Click here to sign up and access the full archive.
