One Shift for the Holidays
Happy Thursday! You made it!
This week’s message is part reality check and part holiday survival guide.
As we head into Thanksgiving (in the U.S.) and Winter Holidays everywhere, whether you’re traveling, hosting, or simply bracing for the mix of gratitude and stress that can come with family gatherings, I want to share something that could shift how you experience all of it.
It’s a truth I tell every private client before we begin coaching:
You cannot change other people.
Not your parents. Not your in-laws. Not your partner. And definitely not your kids.
Of course, most of us have tried. We’ve asked others to stop doing that one thing that drives us nuts. We’ve tried to teach them how to treat us. We’ve pleaded, lectured, or lost our temper, hoping something would finally stick.
But here’s the thing: Trying to change other people doesn’t work. Not sustainably. Not without strain. And not without damaging the relationship.
So what does work?
Influence. Because the only person you can control is yourself.
So, when your child pushes a boundary, your relative passes judgment, or your toddler melts down at the Thanksgiving table, remember: you get to choose what happens next.
You can’t control their behavior, but you can control your response. And your response is what sets the tone, shapes the dynamic, and plants the seeds for real change.
That doesn’t mean you’re powerless. In fact, it allows you to retain your power because your behavior influences everything around you.
So, what does this have to do with parenting?
Everything.
If your goal is to make your child behave, comply, or stop doing that thing, it’s going to be a long road. That kind of change doesn’t stick, and often comes at the expense of connection.
But if your goal is to influence your child in a way that builds trust, respect, and long-term growth, you’re on the right track. You are the most powerful influence in your child’s environment.
Real World Strategy:
This week, notice when you’re tempted to go straight at a behavior, whether it’s defiance, whining, sibling conflict, or anything else. Pause, then ask:
What’s happening around this behavior?
What energy am I bringing to the moment?
What small shift can I make in myself to change the tone?
You may be surprised by how often changing your own posture, tone, or expectations is the very thing that changes theirs.
🌊Want to dive deeper?
To learn more about how to shift your focus from controlling your child’s behavior to influencing it through your own actions, check out Parenting in the Real World: Take Aim (Level 1, Course 1, Section 4).
📚Resource of the Week:
Still one of my favorite articles after all these years: The Comeback Kid by Martha Beck. A powerful read about influence, boundaries, and staying rooted in who you are. (I kid you not, I’ve had a paper copy of this article in my bedside table for about 15 years.)
💬 Join the Conversation:
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💌Newsletter Archive:
Missed a good one? Want to revisit past nuggets of wisdom? Find them all here.
👋 Need More Support?
If you feel like you’re out of strategies and out of patience, reach out here. Parenting doesn’t have to be this hard.
You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.
Cari
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