#1 Move That Helps Kids Actually Hear You
Happy Thursday! You made it!
Does this sound familiar?
You start with a simple request.
No response.
You say their name.
Still nothing.
You try again, louder, with a little edge to your voice.
Nothing.
And then suddenly you’re yelling… and wondering, “How did we get HERE!?”
A parent recently told me this exact story. Their child was completely absorbed in what they were doing, and by the time the parent had said the child’s name for the fourth time, the frustration had built up so much that their tone did the talking. The child finally looked up, surprised, overwhelmed, and instantly defensive. Cue the argument, slammed doors, and two people feeling terrible over something that started as a basic attempt at communication.
And it makes sense: communicating with kids is tricky.
They forget the things we want them to remember and hold onto the things we wish they wouldn’t. But there’s one thing that’s always true:
Kids never forget how we make them feel.
That’s why the very first Guiding Principle of Communicating with Kids is so powerful, and so often skipped.
If you take nothing else from this week, take this:
Say their name → wait → repeat once → do NOT get louder → walk over to them→ try again.
The micro steps:
Say their name.
Wait. Not half a second. Actual, noticeable waiting.
If no response, say it again at the same volume.
Still nothing? PLEASE, for the love of everything holy, don’t go louder.
Walk over. Gently touch their shoulder or step gently into their space.
If you want eye contact, say: “Can I have your eyes for a second so I know you’re listening?”
When they orient to you, smile, then say your thing.
This shift prevents 90% of unnecessary yelling spirals.
And yes, there are contingencies (different rooms, ignoring, not knowing where they are, etc.). But the rule holds:
If you want connection, you must first get attention.
Trying to communicate from another room doesn’t work.
Shouting never makes a conversation calmer.
Walking over nearly always does.
Real World Strategy:
Try this exact process for three days.
Be a scientist. Observe what changes, for you and for your child.
🌊Want to dive deeper? To learn more about speaking with care and communicating effectively with your kids, check out Parenting in the Real World: Speak with Care (Level 2, Course 6, Section 3).
📚Resource of the Week:
A forever-favorite:
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish.
The examples may be vintage, but the strategies are timeless.
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👋 Need More Support?
If you feel like you’re saying the same things on repeat and nothing is landing, reach out here. Parenting doesn’t have to be this hard.
You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.
Cari
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