Kid Losing It? Reach for THIS Tool
Happy Thursday! You made it!
Empathy is the most powerful multi-tool of parenting, the one tool you should reach for first on almost any occasion. Let me explain.
Empathy is the ability to understand the emotions of another person. It does not mean you agree, adopt your child’s perspective, or do anything different. Empathy simply requires you to be open to what your child is going through.
As a parenting tool, reaching for empathy when your child is dysregulated means getting curious about what’s going on with them. Instead of jumping in, fixing something, or offering a solution, practicing empathy means that we seek first to understand.
Real World Strategy: The most accessible tool to practice empathizing with kids is called mirroring. Mirroring involves consciously and purposefully matching the other person’s body language, speech patterns, and messaging.
For example, imagine your child comes to you to complain about their sibling or friend. They might say, “Alex is so mean. I am never talking to them again! I hate them!!!”
A parent who is used to jumping in or solving things for their child might put on their detective hat and say, “What happened?” or their police hat and say, “Don’t say that! That’s not nice!”
Instead, try an empathetic response using mirroring. That might sound like: “Woah! You sound really upset at Alex.”
You are simply reflecting back what they told you–nothing more, nothing less. If your child has more to say, they will. If they don’t, it might just mean they needed to vent.
If you feel like you have to say something more, you might add: “I’m glad you told me. I’m here if you want to talk about it more.”
Your child feels supported, and you didn’t have to do anything but be there for them.
Resources of the Week:
📖 How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
This timeless parenting book offers simple, powerful communication strategies rooted in empathy. If you’ve ever wondered what to say (or not say) when your child is melting down—this book is for you.
📖 The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld
If you want to show your child what empathy looks like in action, this picture book is a gem. When Taylor’s block tower falls, different animals offer advice—fix it, talk about it, get mad—but the rabbit does something different. The rabbit listens. No fixing. No teaching. Just being there. It’s a beautifully simple (and powerful) example of how presence and empathy can help kids feel seen, just like we explored in this week’s course section.
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If you’re finding it hard to lean into empathy, reach out here. Parenting doesn’t have to be this hard.
You’ve got this.
Cari
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