Hurry Up & Wait
Happy Thursday! You made it!
When I was in graduate school to become a teacher, I learned about a concept I’d never heard of before: “Wait Time.” This is teacher speak for the space between asking a question and calling on students to answer.
When I was a kid, teachers just called on whoever raised their hand first. This meant that the fastest students set the class's pace; no one waited for the others to catch up. After a while, most kids learned that if we sat there, we could let other people do our thinking for us.
This setup wasn’t good for anyone, and by the time I went to grad school to become a teacher, the concept of “Wait Time” had been born. Children everywhere rejoiced!
There are some simple, practical, and transformative applications of this concept in parenting, two of which I’ll share here.
First, do not “rescue” your child from uncomfortable silences. If you ask them a question and they don’t answer right away, maintain eye contact, set your face in a curious, open, and neutral expression, and wait. Give them time to think. If they are still struggling after a reasonable amount of time, you can say, “Do you want me to ask a different way?”
Second, don’t jump in to connect the dots for kids when they are struggling to make sense of something new or complex. Give them time to think, then ask a question. For example, if they are trying to do something they’ve never done before and it isn’t working, don’t rush to give them advice. Instead, stand near them and model tolerating discomfort. If they are starting to get irritated, you can say, “I really love how focused you are. Let me know if you want any help.” If they say they want your help, consider offering indirect verbal feedback, like, “What do you think isn’t working? What do you think you might try next?” This implies that you believe in their capacity. Even if they can’t do it alone (yet), your support feels so much better than advice or attempts to rescue.
💥Real World Strategy
Give them time to think. That is all.
🔋Resource of the Week
Enjoy this very 1981 version of a shockingly young Tom Petty teaching us about how hard it is to wait.
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Want more where this came from? Check out Parenting in the Real World: Communicate for Change (Level 2, Course 6, Section 4).
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You’ve got this.
🩵Cari
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