Children Are NOT Small Adults (and why this matters)
Happy Thursday! You made it!
Children are not small adults. I know this sounds obvious, in a way, but it’s not. Other mammals are born and basically get up and walk away, or they are helpless for a little while but mature rapidly. Humans are born helpless and stay that way for a very long time. This is because we have incredibly complex brains, and if we developed any more in utero, babies' heads would be too large to be born. So, humans have to be born when our heads are small enough– I mean, our skulls are not even fused yet, for goodness sake–and that means a huge amount of development happens after birth. Generally speaking, the lobes of the human brain don’t fully develop until a person’s mid-20s. So, while many young mammals are essentially inexperienced adults, that is really, really not the case for humans.
Here’s something I remind my clients every day: Childhood is a distinct phase of life. Kids are NOT smaller, cuter adults; we shouldn’t expect them to behave like little grown-ups.
And even though human children sometimes act silly, out-of-control, and uncoordinated, it’s important to remember that they are wildly smart in unexpected ways. Yes, their brains are not fully formed, and they lack a lot of life experience, but they learn like little sponges and are often very aware of what’s going on around them. In fact, they become smarter because they are so cognizant of what’s happening around them.
They also become smarter by testing theories and pushing boundaries. This is not kids being “naughty;” it’s how they learn. Childhood is when kids figure out how the world works, and as they learn, they grow and change. This process is supposed to be messy.
Tip of the Week: The next time you find yourself utterly speechless about HOW your child could have possibly done what they just did, said what they just said, or fallen into the exact same hole they fell into yesterday, remind yourself that their job is to messily figure things out, and our job as parents is to notice areas for potential growth— skill gaps, cognitive gaps, behavior gaps– and support kids as they figure things out slowly over time.
Resource or Activity of the Week: Check out this Atlantic article about how colleges’ reach into childhood transformed how kids grow up.
Want to explore how I can help parenting make sense, even when it’s messy and complicated? Reach out.
You’ve got this,
Cari
One more thing– Please forward this to any other parents who might love some short, sweet, and useful weekly parenting tips! (If you got this from a friend, good job for having such thoughtful people looking out for you! Please head over to my website to check it out, or click here to sign up for the weekly newsletter.)
